1. Wear a blanket constantly
Looking cute and cozy and endearing, as opposed to wayward and depressed.
2. Always have your hair blown out impeccably
Or in a shower cap or under a scarf for no one elses eyes—there is no in between.
3. Say “oh, honey”
It is a straight up art to “oh, honey” someone and not come off like a condescending evil step mom from the south—it is a grown grandmama art.
4. Judge everyone and everything under your breath
And have everyone make excuses for you and/or heed your wisdom like you’re grandmother willow herself.
5. Not know how to use a smart phone
Because wouldn’t it be great to delete GroupMe and only know the things you need to know about people, instead of everything that everyone at their place of employment has ever said to them?
6. Forget everyone’s name and call them…
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